so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
