As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
