been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
