Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
