The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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