last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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