it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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