nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
