Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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