Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
