You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
