Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
