I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
