dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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