I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
