dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
