Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
