I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
