She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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