she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
