so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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