just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
