I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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