she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
