You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
