In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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