how can u be prego again
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All the doctor said was why
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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