dude i'm inner monologue high
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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