You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
