first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
