And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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