when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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