Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
