Christians are straight up FREAKS
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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