If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
