I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
