you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
