AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
