Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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