Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
