Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
