I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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