I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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