According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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