dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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