just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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