Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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