do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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