every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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