I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
