Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
