Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
