so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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