god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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