i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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