Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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