why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
