i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
