I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
