you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
