So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
