i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Randomize