If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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