You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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