so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
